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Is the “Unfollow” the new breakup? Or in many cases, “We are no longer having sex.” OR, “I will no longer be texting you to come over at 10PM on Monday through Wednesdays or when I am painfully bored and I’ve watched everything on my DVR.” If the term, “Unfollow” seems foreign to you, all of you Facebook users may substitute in the word, “Defriend.” Facebook? God, what are you, like 30?
Are we, those Millennials navigating the brave new world of Social Media, bound by an unwritten code of etiquette? Though I dare not delve a damn pinky-toe into the topic of “Cyber-Stalking;” On a strict focus of “Unfollowing,” or “Defriending,” what do proper manners dictate? Is the “Unfollow,” the passive-agressive, “I’ll call you.” of the new millennium? If things ended poorly, I suppose you wouldn’t want the constant flurry of vintage-looking photos of thier Omlettes… You two had that in common… a love of… Omlettes. Unfollow! But what if their photos have great composition? And they make excellent use of Kelvin! That’s like a totally hard filter to master! We’re not talkin’ “LIKING” anything here, we have a focus remember?! BUT, if you remain a loyal follower are you now… creeping?
Is Social Media propelling us into an ever-tormenting state of perpetual social anxiety? Sadly, I pose more questions here than even thirty minutes of Carrie Bradshaw can answer… “WHO?!” She’s only THE Hannah Horvath of 1998! Though, so as to not leave you completely wanting, I advocate for you to make a choice within the bounds of your own good reasoning. Personally, I use every Social Media platform for their intended purpose. And by every, I mean the three I have managed to become proficient at:
Are we friends? Do we have a relationship outside of having both been in Mr. Abbott’s 7th grade Earth Science class? No? Defriend!
Do you provide me with a constant stream of relevant and/or useful information OR funny ‘lil anecdotes? No? You only use Twitter when you have news of critical importance to share? Like letting the masses know you’ve checked-in and are now the Mayor of the Second Avenue Starbucks? Unfollow!
Three versions of the same photo of you and “The GIRLS!!!” Each with subtle differences of course! 1: Smilling; 2: Kissy Face; 3: Funny Face. Sweetie, that is what Facebook is for! Unfollow!
I expect an onslaught of hateful text-messages from those who now realize and are angered by my dismissal of their use of Social Media. I’d apologize, but I’m a Virgo which means a constant, possibly OCD-level of editing those whom I “Follow” / am “Friends” with. Besides, it’s a harsh modern world we live in, and phone calls are so NOT 2013.